


Welcome To The Black Parade

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sadness basically, Self-Hatred, Suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard knew from the moment that he vomited blood the first time that the pills had worked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome To The Black Parade

Gerard knew from the moment that he vomited blood the first time that the pills had worked. He glanced down to the blood stained bathroom tiles and he saw the assortment of medication bottles and packets for drugs he didn't even know the name, let alone use of, but not really caring at that point, knowing they had done his intended use for them well - that was all that mattered.

He was thankful that he was home alone, he was certain that he would never have gone through with it if anyone like Mikey had been in the house, someone would have talked him out of it and Gerard would have been forced to live out another day of worthless hell with twice the amount of medication while spending half his life in a therapist's office. He had no prospects in life; no qualifications or degrees, no job, no house, not even any money that he could call his own. He was a pathetic 22 year old that still lived with his parents and younger brother.

He was certain that the pills would kill him, it wasn't a matter of hoping that it would work - it had to. It was just better off that way. He was helping people really, doing everybody a favour. Gerard saw no purpose for himself to be alive anymore, and if he didn't even want to be around then why would others want him there too? He was sure no one wanted him there and he didn't want to be there either so it was a win-win situation.

He knew it would take a burden off his parent's shoulders, who really wanted a fully grown man living with them, just taking and taking, never giving anything back? He had always been the disappointment of the family; the troubled one, the depressed one. He could vividly remember the arguments he had with his mother on a daily basis - her telling him he needed to pull himself together, get his life sorted out. He tried with comics, he really tried but nobody seemed to see that.

His vices - the drugs, the alcohol, the cigarettes, coffee, what were what everybody believed would be the cause of his demise, but Gerard didn't like the thought of that, dying pathetically in a drug induced haze, people only remembering him as that drug addict who had no life, he wanted, needed, control over his life and even if it meant ending it on his own means then so be it. He supposed to two weren't that dissimilar, but at least with the latter it was his own choice instead of an accident.

He knew Mikey was going to hate him for it, but Gerard was only helping him. He was in college getting a degree in music. He was a brilliant bass player who could go so far in life, Gerard was just inhibiting him by existing. He didn't need to be worrying about his older brother on top of course work and a such. They had been such good friends when they were younger, sticking together no matter what, but as Gerard grew older, he mixed in with the wrong people, did the wrong things until soon enough, he was addicted to more substances than he could count on fingers, and it just got even worse when Elena died.

He distanced himself from everyone, but Mikey more so than everybody else, protecting him from his older brother. He knew Mikey was smart, that he would never get into the same predicament as Gerard, but he was always worried that as he watched his brother get high, then fall down, that he would be tempted to do the same.

But now Gerard was going to end it all, a purposeful overdose that he had carefully calculated so the pills would be sure to kill him, and even if that didn't, which was highly unlikely, the steady stream of crimson blood trickling down his skin from his wrists would be nearly guaranteed to finish him off. No one would have to deal with him any longer. He felt sorry for the poor soul who would find his body, sickly pale and stained with blood, sprawled upon the bathroom floor. He prayed with all his heart that it wouldn't be Frank. It simply couldn't.

Frank was different from everybody else. He was the tiny glimpse of hope that Gerard always relied on to guide him through the darkness, yet even that spark burned out. He loved Frank unlike he loved anybody else, he was the only stable thing that Gerard could rely on, but he knew he was being selfish by keeping him because Frank could do so much better than him. He was beautiful, amazing and unbelievably talented at guitar and Gerard was a nobody that couldn't even get his comic drawings noticed.

_"Frankie..." Gerard murmured quietly, looking at his boyfriend with sad eyes. He needed to know something. It just didn't make sense._

_"What?" he replied, sitting across from him on the bed with a tentative smile, obviously seeing the distress displayed on his face. He interlocked their fingers together and the rubbed the back of his knuckles in a comforting gesture, yet nothing could really console the 22 year old._

_"Why do you stay with me...it doesn't make sense." Frank's eyes widened, not expecting Gerard to say such a thing. He shuffled closer to him so their crossed legs were brushing against each other's and he looked directly into his eyes._

_"Why would you ask that? You know I love you..."_

_"I know but...why. Why do you love me? I am nothing compared to you, I don't even deserve someone as good as you. You could do so much better than_ this _..." He gestured to his own, pathetic body. Frank gasped, shocked by the sheer absurdity of what he was saying._

_"No, no, no..." He accentuated, pressing his forehead against Gerard's so his hazel eyes were staring directly into his own. "Gerard, you are beautiful, you are so so beautiful and I don't know why you can't see that." Gerard was about to cut him off with a retort but all Frank did was press his lips against his, silencing him for only a second so he could continue._

_"I love you because you are you. You were always different from everybody else, but in a good way. You understand, you listen, you are so, so incredibly beautiful and you are one of the best artists I have ever met. I promise that your comic will get noticed, it just takes time and patience. You are so, so kind and despite everything that has happened to you, you keep pulling through." He wanted to believe Frank, he really did. He wished it was the truth but he knew that he was lying to make him feel better. He to had be._

_Gerard felt tears spill down his cheek, shaking his head in denial, looking down so he didn't have to see the look in his boyfriend's eyes. Frank was the only person who had confidence in his comic drawings, who had confidence in him for anything really. With a sigh, Frank stood up, still holding Gerard's hand, pulling him up to his feet as well. He didn't question what Frank was doing, he just let him drag him to the corner of the room where a dusty mirror, never used, lay._

_Gerard grimaced at the reflection, there was a reason the mirror was in the corner, hidden away. Frank stood beside him, his hand still interwoven with his own. "What do you see?" He asked. It was a simple question but there were so many different answers. Gerard could only settle for the truth._

_"I see a 22 year old male, crying. He is ugly and pathetic and completely worthless yet he is somehow holding hands with the most perfect person on the planet." More sobs escaped his mouth, just making him look even worse. Frank slowly shook his head, grasping his hand even tighter._

_"Do you know what I see?" He said quietly. Gerard didn't respond. "I see a beautiful person who is just tired of holding on. They are perfect in their own special way and I only wish that person would realise that I love them so much more than they could ever fathom."_

_"Stop lying" Gerard said weakly, closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at the monstrosity in front of him_

_"Gerard, I'm not ly-"_

_"YES YOU ARE!" he shouted, pulling himself out of Frank's grip suddenly and he could see the hurt, physical and mental, go through his face as he winced. He felt his own legs go weak and, no longer able to stand, he fell to his knees on the floor, the carpet only mildly cushioning his fall. He pulled his knees up to his chest, pressing his face into his thighs so Frank didn't have to see what a pathetic mess he was._

_Despite his defiance, despite his bitchiness, childish crying and determination that he had no self-worth, Frank never lost his patience. He wanted to help Gerard, he wanted to help him get better and he knew moments like that would occur so he was glad that at least he was there when it happened. Gerard rocked back and forth slowly, muffled sobs escaping his mouth as tears stained his jeans._

_Frank was quiet for a very long time and fleetingly Gerard wondered whether he actually saw him for what he was - pathetic and weak, but instead after a while, he simply sat down in front of Gerard, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug, letting him cry into his shoulder instead._

Two days after that event, Gerard broke up with Frank. It was nothing to do with Frank, he had done nothing wrong, he was absolutely perfect and that was the problem. Frank was perfect and Gerard was nothing. For some reason out of the 7 billion people in the world, Frank chose to fall in love with Gerard and he just didn't know why. Gerard was setting him free. He was only bringing Frank down with his depression, if he broke up with him he could get in a relationship with someone who was actually happy.

Gerard never stayed long enough to see what Frank's reaction was, he just heard him call out his name in desperation but Gerard didn't listen, carrying on walking while more tears streamed down his face because he didn't want to do it, he really didn't, he loved Frank more than he loved himself and he longed for one last kiss, one last embrace but he couldn't. He only wanted to make Frank happy and he knew in the long run he would be better off without him so he had to unattached himself then.

And those were the events that lead up to Gerard's current situation, sat in a pool of his own blood and vomit, slowly loosing consciousness as his imminent death came closer and closer. He couldn't say it was peaceful though, his stomach was in agonising pain and he knew his internal organs were slowly loosing function, also not forgetting his stinging wrists which were still bleeding. His breathing soon became laboured and for some reason as his eyes began to flicker close he thought of one particular memory, one of his fondest in fact.

When he was a young boy, just before his father died of cancer, he took him down into the city, he was never sure why he really did it as he gave him no explanation whatsoever until he realised there was a marching band playing. Gerard gazed in wonder as they played their instruments, dressed rather unusually in black. He knew his dad said something to him that day, gave him a responsibility that changed his life, but Gerard struggled to remember anything at that point in time.

Things became fuzzy.

Lights danced before his eyes.

Everything went black.

\---

Frank remembered the first time he and Gerard met like it was yesterday. It was very cliché really, he had his headphones pushed into his ears, blocking the world out while he walked down the pavement, glaring at his feet the whole time. Of course he was not looking where he was going and walked right into the older boy with a cup of coffee in his hand, causing him to spill it all over himself. Frank apologised profusely to him and gave him his number, promising to buy him another coffee to make up for it, but at first he seemed reluctant.

Frank was never sure why he was so hesitant, but he still eventually agreed to meet him the next day at Starbucks at which point he learnt his name was Gerard, and it all started from there. They would agree to meet up every now and then until it became a regular thing, the two having a lot in common, yet Gerard would often arrive late or miss it all together and Frank never knew why. He soon realised as their relationship turned into more than friendship, that Gerard was an alcoholic and heavy drug user, and would often have hangovers or was just simply too high to remember their meet up, so it was at that point that Frank decided he was going to fix him.

It was a slow process which took nearly a year to complete, but as Frank and Gerard grew closer and closer, he nearly managed to become clean. Nearly. Frank fell in love with Gerard's laugh, with his personality, with his smile, with his whole being and he knew that Gerard loved him too. Then Elena died and everything spiralled out of control. Gerard relapsed hard and there was nothing Frank could do about it. Gerard began to get depressive episodes that progressively got worse as the months went by and it broke Frank's heart to see him get as low as he did.

His episode 2 days ago was the worst one yet and Frank was beginning to lose hope that even he could fix him. He was getting worse and worse and Frank knew that something had definitely gone wrong when 2 hours prior, Gerard broke up with him. He made his way over to the Way household slowly, not knowing what Gerard's reaction would be to seeing him there, but he gave no explanation and he wanted closure as to what he had done wrong if nothing else.

As he arrived in front of the house, he glanced up at the window he knew was his and noticed that his curtains were open which was unusual as he almost always kept then closed, even in the daytime. He approached the door and knocked on it with apprehension yet after 20 seconds of awkwardly waiting for someone to answer, he heard no movement inside at all.

Frank knocked again, this time even harder, yet still no one came to answer. He had come to the conclusion that he was must have his head phones in because he was the only one who could have been in the house with Mikey at college and his mom at work. Either that or he was just ignoring him which was an equally likely possibility.

Despite the fact he was unwanted, he pushed down the door handle anyway and sure enough it was unlocked, allowing Frank to step inside. He called out Gerard's name but there was no response so he must have had headphones in. He made his way to his bedroom, not bothering to knock, knowing he wouldn't be able to hear it so pushed it open slowly. To his surprise it was completely empty.

This caused Frank to immediately worry because he knew Gerard would not have left the house, not in the state he was in, so he was relieved to notice that the bathroom door was shut, meaning he was most likely in there. Frank waited outside in the hallway for at least 3 minutes but he heard no movement at all which kickstarted his worries again and he feared the worst as when he knocked, there was no response.

"Gerard...Gee?" He called out, his voice cracking unintentionally at the end. He pushed the door lightly and to his surprise discovered it was unlocked. As he entered he looked around momentarily until he saw it and everything just seemed to stop. A choked sob escaped his lips as his whole world fell apart and he didn't know what to do because he was covered in blood and vomit and his chest wasn't moving and his eyes were closed and-

He was dead.

He was dead he was dead he was dead he was dead he was dead he was fucking dead.

It took over Frank's whole thought process and he felt himself fall to his knees, crawling over to the body of what  _was_  Gerard Way. He shook him and shouted at him, desperate for him just to wake up. He couldn't be dead, he promised Frank he wouldn't do it so maybe if he could just try hard enough, he would wake up again because he loved him so fucking much and he wasn't sure if he could really live without him.

But he knew his attempts were futile, he knew from the deep incisions on his wrists and the array of pills that scattered the floor that he was gone, but Frank refused to accept that. So all he could do was sob, sob so hard is physically hurt and he couldn't breathe and his head hurt and everything just became blurred from the tears streaming down his face because he didn't, and never would fix him.

But somehow, through the tears, Frank noticed a tiny piece of paper inside Gerard's cold hand. As he opened it, he realised it only said 5 messy words on it it, but they just made Frank cry even harder from the simply irony of his last ever words

_You can be happy now._

**Author's Note:**

> Jfc this is sad I am sorry


End file.
